Alisha struggled in her new leadership role. She found it difficult to think of herself as a boss when just a few short weeks before she was working alongside the coworkers now reporting to her. Alisha wasn’t prepared for dealing with conflict, making tough calls, and initiating difficult conversations.
When Alisha called me, I could hear the uncertainty and stress in her voice. Alisha’s first challenge was to see herself differently. She had to make a mental shift from going to “one of us” to “one of them.” Building a leadership identity means dying to the old self and developing an aligned leadership identity—an identity where you see yourself as a leader, and others agree. If the organization doesn’t provide mentoring, development, and support, it’s imperative for any new leader to build a new leadership identity. Here are the steps to build a new leadership identity.
Step 1: Know your story
The way we see ourselves comes out in our language, and it becomes our story. Our story is the narrative that’s going on inside our heads, but it also manifests in communication.
I often say, “The story you tell is the life you live.” Listen to any “I am” statements to see how a leader defines themself. For example, “I am not a micromanager,” or, “I’m hands-off,” or, “I’m conflict-averse.” We rarely question our stories until we are ready to challenge outdated beliefs and make intentional changes. Until then, the stories we believe become the behaviours we act out, whether it’s avoiding conversations, being aggressive, manipulating, or being nice at the cost of respect.
Another way to uncover the narrative is to look at dysfunctional behaviours and trace the behaviour back to identity. If you got aggressive instead of listening, ask this question: “What would I have to believe to act in this way?”
Identity always drives behaviour. For example, leaders who identify as being “nice” avoid difficult conversations because they don’t want to hurt feelings. Or an executive believes that executives shouldn’t have to micro-manage, and therefore avoids helping the director manage internal conflicts.
One shift in identity would shape the behaviour. The “nice” leader would see an opportunity to give honest feedback as a benefit to the employee, not as a threat to the employee’s ego. The executive would understand that there’s a wide gap between being a micromanager and being hands-on, and therefore would willingly offer to coach direct reports through internal conflicts.
Step 2: Create a personal definition of leadership
Managers who have been in leadership positions for decades often tell me they haven’t thought much about what it means to be a leader. They have the title, the role, and the pay, but since they haven’t deliberately defined leadership, they go with the flow, become best friends with employees, cover for mistakes, and fail to create a culture of accountability. If the organization has a definition for leadership, it’s easy to spot misalignment and use this definition to make course corrections. Whether the organization has a definition for leadership or not, I encourage all leaders to formulate their own personal definition of what it means to lead and work from there.
Where to start: Think about this question for a moment: What do leaders do? They guide, mentor, influence, support, inspire, and offer feedback and course correction. They also direct resources, create reports, and handle other managerial responsibilities. You can use any of these verbs to define the type of leader you want to be.
My definition of leadership is this: if leadership is about anything, it’s about alignment, and alignment is about focusing energy. If you haven’t noticed already, this definition bakes in the prerequisite of clarity first. After all, you can’t be aligned if you aren’t clear about what you’re aligning to. The leader’s job is to define the goals and outcomes and then provide the support, resources, and direction that aligns with the stated outcomes and values of the organization.
Step 3: Claim your values
Listen to any leader and it won’t take long to know their top three or four values. They will say things like, “I want to be fair,” and, “accountability is of utmost importance,” or, “I want to be supportive.” Yet, it’s often difficult for leaders to claim their values out loud. I believe that’s because once we say we commit to a value we will surely be tested. For example, one of my top values is personal responsibility. In fact, part of my mission is to help people become the creative force in their own life.
Yet sometimes I find myself complaining or wishing outside circumstances would change. Then I remind myself that I’m responsible. It’s up to me. Publicly declaring our values makes us vulnerable to other people’s judgment, but it also helps us to course-correct quickly. Deciding to lead by a set of core values helps you make better decisions, maintain consistency, and make critical distinctions about how to lead in your area of influence.
Step 4: Create a new future self
The key to creating a new future self is to stop living from a record of the past and start living from a vision of your future. The method I teach here is through journaling as if you were already your future self. You pretend you are writing to a dear friend to describe your journey over the last year. You’ll describe successes, challenges you have overcome, relationships you have nurtured, and new insights you’ve gained as a leader as if these occurrences have already happened.
While writing you’ll be using emotive words. You may want to describe how you handled a major conflict, how people define you, and how you approach your week. You’ll use words like proud, excited, grateful, engaged, and other positive emotive words. For example, you might say, “Remember the conflict I had with the prospect last year? I’m excited to say we resolved the issue, with a new idea I brought forth, and as a result, my sales have tripled in just one year. The top executive is giving our department a bonus and I could not be more grateful for my team who has supported me all the way.” Does that sound outlandish? It should be somewhat uncomfortable. You are creating a new identity and a new future.
The objective is to combine thought and feeling to trick the brain into laying tracks for building a future you. Spend ten to fifteen minutes writing freehand (no computers) and then tuck the journal away for six months. Put a note on your calendar to look at the journal in six months. See what’s happened.
Conclusion
Leadership is more than just a title. Leadership is an identity. If you don’t see yourself as a leader, you must build a new identity. If others don’t see you as a leader you have to shift your behaviour so that their vision of you aligns with your own. There’s a certain death that comes with building a new identity. You have to give up the old ideas of who you were to create a new way of being. The journey of building leadership identity is uncomfortable, but fortunately, when it comes to leadership growth, comfort is not a requirement.
Marlene Chism is a consultant, executive educator, and the author of the forthcoming book From Conflict to Courage. She is a recognized expert on the LinkedIn Global Learning platform. Connect with Marlene via LinkedIn, or at MarleneChism.com
Thank you. Really good and insightful read.
I am working on my own leadership identity and this was very helpful
I’m glad to hear it, Cecilia! Glad you found this helpful.