Last week, Mike Myatt wrote an interesting post on the differences between flattery and praise. After reading his piece, I got to thinking about this subject in terms of how leaders communicate and guide their teams, and the impact these comments can have on their employees.
Perhaps the best known story regarding the downsides of flattery is Aesop’s fable “The Fox and the Crow”, where a fox comes upon a crow perched on a tree branch, holding a piece of cheese in its beak. Eager to have that piece of cheese, the fox calls out to the crow and starts to flatter the bird about how attractive it is and how it must have the most beautiful voice of all the birds. The fox asks the crow to sing a song so that the fox could enjoy its beautiful voice.
The crow, caught up in the flattering remarks being given by the fox, opens up its mouth and lets out a squawk, causing the cheese to fall from its mouth down to the ground where it’s snatched up by the fox. As the fox walks off with the cheese, he tells the crow “Do not trust flatterers”.
This is often the most common viewpoint on the issue of leadership and flattery, of how it can cause leaders to lose their perspective by getting caught up in seeking the adulation of others, instead of ensuring that they are effectively leading their team.
While leaders can be susceptible to falling prey to flattery like the crow in the story above, the other issue that’s not as often discussed is the problem of leaders communicating flattery to their employees instead of praise as a means to keep their team engaged, or worse manipulating them into doing their bidding.
When we encourage others through flattery, it’s not because we’re driven to support certain behaviours or efforts by the recipient. Instead, our motivation is simply to make the other person feel good about themselves. While this can provide a positive impact, the benefit is fleeting and as such, we find ourselves having to repeat them in order to maintain this positive momentum or sentiment. This reality is best reflected in the saying “flattery won’t get you anywhere” as what you’re promoting or fostering is not a behaviour, but a person’s perception of their self-worth.
Praise, on the other hand, is more about recognizing the actions a person performs and in particular the benefits it derives. It helps your employees gain an understanding and perspective of how their efforts impact others by drawing connections between their contributions and outcomes outside of their influence.
And unlike flattery, it allows leaders to encourage those specific behaviours or personality traits which are unique to that employee, demonstrating that their employees bring something unique and relevant to their organization. Through this form of encouragement, employees can feel validation in how their contributions are recognized by others, providing a more intrinsic reward for their efforts brought on by feelings of appreciation which are derived from the interaction.
As such, if you want to encourage your team to keep at a given process or let them know how much their efforts are benefiting your organization, don’t flatter them individually or as a group. Instead, offer them concrete ideas of what they did that mattered and how.
For example, telling an employee “You did a great job on that report you submitted” won’t have as lasting an impact as saying “Thanks to your report, I’ve been told that our marketing department has a better understanding of where they’ll need to redirect their resources for the upcoming campaign”. After all, the former statement is generic and non-specific, providing your employee with little guidance on why their efforts garnered the attention of their superiors, while the latter provides the employee with a clear understanding of what their leader needs and values from them.
The fact is, we all thrive on knowing that what we do matters; that it makes a positive difference to our organization and to the community in which we belong. And aside from those with insecurity or personal self-esteem issues, offering flattery to your employees will only give them a momentary feel-good moment, and not a more sustainable momentum which organizations will need from their employees to build on past successes.
Offering praise will also reinforce your employees’ sense of self-autonomy as they won’t be motivated purely by gaining your approval. Instead, their work is driven by a sense of personal satisfaction, brought on by an awareness that their efforts have an tangible, positive impact on the other members of their team, if not in other departments within your organization.
This is what lies at the heart of what makes praise so valuable and important for leaders to communicate to their team. It encourages your employees to keep at it, to keep building on their past successes – not because of the attention they gained from them, but because of how their contributions provided a tangible benefit to others.
And therein lies the truth in understanding the difference between offering flattery and praise to your employees – that it’s not about reinforcing your employee’s perception about their abilities, but about helping them to appreciate how their contributions have impacted their team.
By providing such insights, you can ensure that your employees have the proper perspective to guide them regarding the kinds of contributions you need from them to help your organization reach your shared goals.
"it’s not about reinforcing your employee’s perception about their abilities, but about helping them to appreciate how their contributions have impacted their team."
Great way to end the post. Praise definitely sticks to the ribs much longer than flattery.
Thanks Kevin; glad you enjoyed this piece and in particular the end message. Thanks again for your comment.
Tanveer, I love how you have so clearly made the distinction between flattery and praise. I have heard people use those two words synonymously… and quite innocently too.
Apart from the differences you so adeptly point out, to me, a difference between them is that praise takes more thought and more work Its main ingredient is sincerity. Flattery, on the other hand is like a veneer. It wears thin after a while.
Thanks for another thought provoking post.
Thanks Gwyn for the kind words. I agree with you that there's a tendency to treat flattery and praise as the same, which I suspect is why some leaders find the process of encouraging their employees frustrating because they offer flattery instead of praise to their team. As such, when compliments are given about their work, it seems to become an act they have to keep repeating or reminding their team of, instead of something which naturally propels their team forward.
That's a great point you add here about sincerity being a key ingredient to praise which again, reinforces the idea that we need to treat this not as something that is obligatory, but as something that leaders see a genuine value in offering to their team, both for the benefit of their employees as well as for their organization.
Thanks again, Gwyn, for adding some great thoughts to this discussion.
Call it what you want, to me it is feedback, an area we all need to do a better job on. We tend to forget that people want to know where they stand in the context of the organization, job performance, etc. Why wait for reviews?
Hi Jim,
While I agree with you that giving feedback to others is an act that's always in need of improvement and greater frequency, I think the idea of offering praise over flattery to your team is not really about the act of giving feedback.
In providing praise to your employee, it's not simply about providing them with an evaluation of their performance; instead, it's about giving them a sense of context for their efforts; of how it ties into the efforts of others in their team and most importantly, how it figures into the bigger picture of helping the organization reach its objectives.
That's why I see giving praise as being a complimentary act to providing feedback, as the latter focuses on the employee's performance while the former gives them the proper context for why their contributions matter to their organization.
Thanks again, Jim, for adding your thoughts to the discussion.
I agree that praise must come with concrete examples. However, when it comes to idle chatting, or even performance reviews, a bit of flattery doesn't ever hurt. I ALWAYS love when my manager flatters me a bit as though the performance review isn't even necessary. Obviously, I NEED to know what I'm doing right and how it's being used, because that is what tells me that what I'm doing is worthwhile. But a nice little pat on the back every now and then is totally kosher with me!
Thanks!
Hi Christian,
I agree with you that there’s nothing wrong with flattery, provided that both parties have realistic expectations of its impact, if not also offering such from a position of geniuneness and not like the fox who offered it to gain something from the recipient. The problem, though, is that when leaders begin to rely on using flattery as the sole means of providing positive reinforcement to those under their stewardship, mainly because it’s a lot easier to tell someone “Good job!” than it is to qualify in specific terms the exact benefit an individual provided.
As with most things, it’s not an either/or proposition; merely a matter of understanding the difference in impact and outcomes that each of these offer and consequently using them accordingly.
Thanks again, Christian, for adding your thoughts to this discussion.
What a critical distinction to make. Praise is valuable but flattery is not and now that you have clearly explained the distinction you have gave me a some food for thought that I will share with my husband. Thank you. 🙂
Uh oh. Sounds like I may have complicated the life of another husband. All kidding aside, I'm glad you found this piece instructive. Understanding the difference in impact and meaning praise offers over flattery will help improve one's ability to be an effective communicator.
Thanks again for comment.
I have taken many leadership classes and you make some very good points. The hardest part to remember is being specific on how the praise has had a positive affect and why you're giving it in the first place. We all get busy and just pass along "a good job" or a "you da man". While notable, it does not achieve the intended motivation and reinforcement you should be sending.
Better yet, practice this with your kids and really see them succeed!
Thanks Dave. Glad you enjoyed this piece.
This topic, flattery vs praise, is very prevalent in the parenting circles, as well. We talk more about empty praise, or shallow praise, such as, "Oh, look! You picked up your fork!" Praising children for the most mundane of things that they've been doing for some time is teaching them to accept the mediocre and avoid challenge.
True praise for something that is a substantial accomplishment does just the opposite: it teaches them to strive for success even in the face of challenge, and to believe in their own strength.
It works just as well for adults as it does for kids.
Delena
Hi Delena,
That's an excellent correlation you make to a similar situation in parenting. I think the handing out of what you refer to as "empty praise" in parenting circles is a sad outcome of that notion that we should protect our children's self-esteem by never calling them out on their mistakes. The reality is that self-esteem is something that children should be taught to develop and manage internally, as opposed to seeking outside praise to reinforce their own perceptions of themselves and their abilities.
That's why I think when we praise others over how their efforts have benefited others, we're not simply recognizing their abilities, but more importantly how their contributions matter and make a difference to others.
Thanks again, Delena, for adding your thoughts to the discussion.
Tanveer,
Great piece. There is definitely a distinction between the two. The power of praise can also raise the levels of self-worth, but I believe it is more sustainable and worthwhile. Flattery leads to many (perhaps) unintended results as well. For instance, it can destroy relationships and reduce the credibility of the giver.
Sincere praise linked with the specific reasons the actions impact performance for the better of the whole raises all boats.
Max
Thanks Max; I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. If leaders are to truly empower their employees and demonstrate how much the contributions of their team matter both to them and their organization, it's critical that they understand this difference between giving out praise to their employees as opposed to flattery.
Thanks again Max for sharing your thoughts on this piece.
Flattery and praise are not the only options, as they both represent the carrot in the carrot and stick scenario…
Actually, I think you missed the whole point. While I agree with you that flattery is representational of the carrot, praise is not about using words or actions simply to get others to do your bidding. I invite you to re-read this last paragraph from my piece above:
"And therein lies the truth in understanding the difference between offering flattery and praise to your employees – that it’s not about reinforcing your employee’s perception about their abilities, but about helping them to appreciate how their contributions have impacted their team."
As you can see, praise is not about greasing the wheel to get people to do what you want; rather it's about recognizing the value and importance of the contributions of your team toward achieving your shared goals. In that light, it is most certainly not a carrot, but the right thing to do.